Lauren had some very simple homework. She had to divide some objects into two categories. They objects included the sun, a flash light, a candle, a firefly, and a street light. She had to decide which source of light was Found In Nature and which was Made by People.
I pointed to the sun and she said it belonged in the Made by People category. I asked her why and she said "Well, God made the sun and Jesus is God and Jesus became people so it is made by People".
Good thought Lauren! She gets it!
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Friday, October 30, 2009
In everything
In the midst of everything, we believe He is there and He has a plan for our life.
He was there when Lauren was simply two cells and her chromosomes were already enhanced.
He was there when Bob told me he was being arrested.
He was there during the sentencing.
He was there when we lost our house to foreclosure.
He was there when we moved in with my mother in law.
He was there when I had an inkling that things weren't quite right with Lauren.
He was there when my pregnancy test turned immediately positive as I was trying to juggle a 18 month old, a 3 year old with no money and no home of our own.
He was there at Lauren's first IEP meeting.
He was there when I felt otracized by His church.
He was there after every job loss.
He was there when we packed it up and moved.
He is there with every note home about Lauren.
He is there with every medication change and therapy trial.
He was there when Lauren looked at me and said "I wish I do that like them but I can't"
And then,
He was there for the birth of all our children.
He was there when I realized their was no one I'd rather be with them Bob.
He was there when I was hired back at a job I love.
He was there when I completed probation.
He was there when we fought our insurance company and finally won.
He was there when Lauren rode a bike.
He was there when we found a great house to rent.
He was there when I got a raise.
He was there when Bob got a new job.
He was there when Lauren shouted "I see a cross, Jesus die for me and you"
He was there when she wrote her name.
He was there when Shannon says "I love you mommy"
He was there when Ellie says "You my best mommy ever"
He is there in the valleys and the mountains, in the cool summer breezes and the frightening storms, and the highs and the lows. For this I am certain, He is there.
He was there when Lauren was simply two cells and her chromosomes were already enhanced.
He was there when Bob told me he was being arrested.
He was there during the sentencing.
He was there when we lost our house to foreclosure.
He was there when we moved in with my mother in law.
He was there when I had an inkling that things weren't quite right with Lauren.
He was there when my pregnancy test turned immediately positive as I was trying to juggle a 18 month old, a 3 year old with no money and no home of our own.
He was there at Lauren's first IEP meeting.
He was there when I felt otracized by His church.
He was there after every job loss.
He was there when we packed it up and moved.
He is there with every note home about Lauren.
He is there with every medication change and therapy trial.
He was there when Lauren looked at me and said "I wish I do that like them but I can't"
And then,
He was there for the birth of all our children.
He was there when I realized their was no one I'd rather be with them Bob.
He was there when I was hired back at a job I love.
He was there when I completed probation.
He was there when we fought our insurance company and finally won.
He was there when Lauren rode a bike.
He was there when we found a great house to rent.
He was there when I got a raise.
He was there when Bob got a new job.
He was there when Lauren shouted "I see a cross, Jesus die for me and you"
He was there when she wrote her name.
He was there when Shannon says "I love you mommy"
He was there when Ellie says "You my best mommy ever"
He is there in the valleys and the mountains, in the cool summer breezes and the frightening storms, and the highs and the lows. For this I am certain, He is there.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Why does Lauren have Autism?
I have struggled with this and will struggle with this forever. I will never know why Lauren specifically has Autism. Why is it that out of 150 kids she couldn't have just been one of the 149? I will never know on this side of eternity. I may know of the other side but my hope is that I will be so busy worshipping, dancing, and signing that I won't care.
I can answer the question of why Lauren has Autism in a general sense. We live in a fallen world. Disease and disorder is all a part of the fallen world we live in. Autism is no exception.
The other reason is so that God may be glorified in all of this. It is He, and He alone, that gets the glory. A special needs child has made me cling to His promises like never before.
Bob and I find great comfort in this story from the New Testament (a paraphrase)
The Pharisees were questioning Jesus and asked about a blind man. They asked who sinned the man or his parents. Jesus replied "Neither, for this is done so that God may be glorified in this"
I can answer the question of why Lauren has Autism in a general sense. We live in a fallen world. Disease and disorder is all a part of the fallen world we live in. Autism is no exception.
The other reason is so that God may be glorified in all of this. It is He, and He alone, that gets the glory. A special needs child has made me cling to His promises like never before.
Bob and I find great comfort in this story from the New Testament (a paraphrase)
The Pharisees were questioning Jesus and asked about a blind man. They asked who sinned the man or his parents. Jesus replied "Neither, for this is done so that God may be glorified in this"
Monday, July 27, 2009
The fiery furnace
I became a Christ follower in 1995 when I was a freshman in college. I fell in love with the realness and simplicity of the Gospel.
One of the first stories I leared came from the Old Testment, from the book of Daniel. The story of Shadrack, Meschek, and a Abednego. It took me forever to learn to pronnounce these names (and I've never leared to spell them correctly). They were captured as teenagers and sent to Babylon. I'm going to skip some points to make a very, very short recap.
At one point the king insists that everyone bows down to him or a statue of him. I can't remember and I'm at work and can't look it up. They refuse. The pentaly of this refusal is being thrown in a firey furnance. This furnance was so hot that upon opening it, several guardsman died from the heat.
Before they are thrown in comes my favorite verse (emphasize mine) "The Lord our God will save us. But even if He chooses not to, we will not bow down to you". I love that verse. It is the "but even if he chooses not to" that gets me everytime.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Lord could heal Lauren instantly. Imagine it, her chromosomes would become "un-enhanced" IMMEDIATELY. I could toss out medication. I could shred her IEP. I could call her OT and neurologist and say that we were never coming back. It could happen because He who formed the universe could do that if He chooses so.
But chances are that is not going to happen. I still believe that it could but looking at our life I don't think it will. I think that God is healing Lauren on a slower level. I think that God is an ever present force in Lauren's life. I know that God loves in a way I cannot even begin to imagine but He has not choosen to heal her that way.
And you know what. It's OK. It's OK for one very, very important reason. He is God and I am not. I don't know the reason for this nor do I want to. It is too much for my finite mind to handle. However, I know that God is infinite and Lauren is part of His greater plan. Maybe part of the miraculous healing of Lauren is manifested in my newer found belief that He is God and I am not.
One of the first stories I leared came from the Old Testment, from the book of Daniel. The story of Shadrack, Meschek, and a Abednego. It took me forever to learn to pronnounce these names (and I've never leared to spell them correctly). They were captured as teenagers and sent to Babylon. I'm going to skip some points to make a very, very short recap.
At one point the king insists that everyone bows down to him or a statue of him. I can't remember and I'm at work and can't look it up. They refuse. The pentaly of this refusal is being thrown in a firey furnance. This furnance was so hot that upon opening it, several guardsman died from the heat.
Before they are thrown in comes my favorite verse (emphasize mine) "The Lord our God will save us. But even if He chooses not to, we will not bow down to you". I love that verse. It is the "but even if he chooses not to" that gets me everytime.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Lord could heal Lauren instantly. Imagine it, her chromosomes would become "un-enhanced" IMMEDIATELY. I could toss out medication. I could shred her IEP. I could call her OT and neurologist and say that we were never coming back. It could happen because He who formed the universe could do that if He chooses so.
But chances are that is not going to happen. I still believe that it could but looking at our life I don't think it will. I think that God is healing Lauren on a slower level. I think that God is an ever present force in Lauren's life. I know that God loves in a way I cannot even begin to imagine but He has not choosen to heal her that way.
And you know what. It's OK. It's OK for one very, very important reason. He is God and I am not. I don't know the reason for this nor do I want to. It is too much for my finite mind to handle. However, I know that God is infinite and Lauren is part of His greater plan. Maybe part of the miraculous healing of Lauren is manifested in my newer found belief that He is God and I am not.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Evolution
I believe that the Bible is God breathed and in infalliable. I believe that in Gensis, when creation is discussed, that the world was created in 7 24 hour days. I don't believe in macro evolution. Macro evolution is the evolution from species to species.
One of the premises of evolution is that mutations help create change. It is mutations that created a variation in the species. That variation usually helps the members effected adapt in some way. The ones without the mutation die out. They pass that mutation on to their offspring and in multiple generations you eventually have only that mutations displayed. That's the real short version of a complicated theory.
I believe the theory is faulty. It is based upon the belief that mutations are good things. It is based on the belief that a mutation is helpful.
Cysic Fibrosis is a mutation. In that mutation, the body does not produce one enzyme. It ends up being catastrophic for the person effected. It causes decreased lung function and digestive problems. All because the mucus that coats the lungs and digestive tract of a non-effected person, chokes the lungs and digestive tract of an effective person.
Lauren's chromosomes are mutated. She has a mutation on two chromosome. Because of those mutations, she was diagnosed with FTT at 5 months, she has decreased gross motor skills, she has fine motor skills that are delayed over 4 years. She has no impulse control and has extreme attention problems. She is also diagnosed with Autism.
Tell me again how this mutation is helpful?
One of the premises of evolution is that mutations help create change. It is mutations that created a variation in the species. That variation usually helps the members effected adapt in some way. The ones without the mutation die out. They pass that mutation on to their offspring and in multiple generations you eventually have only that mutations displayed. That's the real short version of a complicated theory.
I believe the theory is faulty. It is based upon the belief that mutations are good things. It is based on the belief that a mutation is helpful.
Cysic Fibrosis is a mutation. In that mutation, the body does not produce one enzyme. It ends up being catastrophic for the person effected. It causes decreased lung function and digestive problems. All because the mucus that coats the lungs and digestive tract of a non-effected person, chokes the lungs and digestive tract of an effective person.
Lauren's chromosomes are mutated. She has a mutation on two chromosome. Because of those mutations, she was diagnosed with FTT at 5 months, she has decreased gross motor skills, she has fine motor skills that are delayed over 4 years. She has no impulse control and has extreme attention problems. She is also diagnosed with Autism.
Tell me again how this mutation is helpful?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My Most Prayed for Child
Years ago (well not that long ago, it was still in this century), I desired something that like I had never had before. I wanted a baby. It was not so far-fetched. I was married, we both had great jobs, and loved children. Plus we are just so awesome, it seemed unfair to the world for us not to allow our genetic material to live on.
I struggled with infertility. Month after month, I saw one line. One lonely little line. I never ovulated and therefore never got any closer to those two lines. I eventually went on Clomid and got pregnant with that child.
All of those months before June 2002, I prayed for a baby. All I wanted was a baby. I prayed like I never had before. I would beg God for a baby. I repeatedly told Him that I didn't care what the baby was like. I was more than willing to take a baby with different needs.
God answered my prayers. I saw those two lines in July of 2002. I had an unevenful pregnancy and my beautiful baby girl was born on 3/22/03. She had a difficult first year. She had severe GERD and screamed for up to 14 hours a day until 4 months. She was diagnosed with FTT at 3 months. Everything seemed to resolve at 18 months. We thought she had simply outgrown everything. Her stomach and her gastrointestinal tract had caught up to her. We were ready to start typical parenting experiences.
God knew what He was doing. He gave me that child I prayed for and chose to honor my entire prayer. He did not send Lauren as a punishment or a threat. He did choose to give me Lauren because I prayed for something I didn't understand. He chose to give me Lauren because He is who He is and He is good.
I love Lauren to the dept of my soul. I love Lauren more than I ever imagined loving someone. I love Lauren despite the costs. I love Lauren for who she is right now. But ultimately God loves her more.
Even if Lauren remains exactly who she is and never changes, God loves her and God chose her and that is a miracle.
I struggled with infertility. Month after month, I saw one line. One lonely little line. I never ovulated and therefore never got any closer to those two lines. I eventually went on Clomid and got pregnant with that child.
All of those months before June 2002, I prayed for a baby. All I wanted was a baby. I prayed like I never had before. I would beg God for a baby. I repeatedly told Him that I didn't care what the baby was like. I was more than willing to take a baby with different needs.
God answered my prayers. I saw those two lines in July of 2002. I had an unevenful pregnancy and my beautiful baby girl was born on 3/22/03. She had a difficult first year. She had severe GERD and screamed for up to 14 hours a day until 4 months. She was diagnosed with FTT at 3 months. Everything seemed to resolve at 18 months. We thought she had simply outgrown everything. Her stomach and her gastrointestinal tract had caught up to her. We were ready to start typical parenting experiences.
God knew what He was doing. He gave me that child I prayed for and chose to honor my entire prayer. He did not send Lauren as a punishment or a threat. He did choose to give me Lauren because I prayed for something I didn't understand. He chose to give me Lauren because He is who He is and He is good.
I love Lauren to the dept of my soul. I love Lauren more than I ever imagined loving someone. I love Lauren despite the costs. I love Lauren for who she is right now. But ultimately God loves her more.
Even if Lauren remains exactly who she is and never changes, God loves her and God chose her and that is a miracle.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Do I believe what I say I do?
I've been thinking a lot about the last few years in of my life. I've been thinking about the journey I've gone on and what I've learned at what appears to be the end of this journey.
On October 10, 2003, my husband was arrested. I didn't know it at that moment but the events of that day changed the course of my life so much that I can now view my life into two chapters: before and after. A brief (OK very brief) summary involves Bob getting arrested, loosing his job, pleading guilty to a felony, not being able to find a good job, having a psychotic breakdown, loosing our house, moving in with my mother in law, loosing another job, and finally turning around and coming back to the city were it all started. Along the way our 5 year was dignosed with autism. However, I firmly believe that all the craziness had nothing to do with that and it would have occured regardless of what we did.
I learned a lot. I learned that some of the people that I thought would stand with me didn't. I learned that some people who I knew wouldn't stand with me, did. I learned that love is always a choice. I learned that forgiveness has very little to do with those who need forgiveness but instead is about those people that need to forgive. But above all, I felt that God was asking me one question: Do you believe what you say you do?
Bob was arrested and it could have very well deystroyed our marriage. I think that if I was to spell out my story to the world outside of the church and to the world inside of the church not many people would have blamed me for leaving. In fact, I think most people are shocked that I stayed. However, prior to October 10,2003 I would have told anyone that I believed what Ephesians 4:32 said:
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
But I had never really had that opportunity to act out my belief. I had never really had a chance to forgive someone who had wronged me like no one else ever had. I had never had a chance to forgive someone was in such desperate need of forgiveness. I had never had the chance to forgive someone when the stakes were so high. In that situation, the choice to forigve or not was going to be the deciding fact of where our lives would go. Would we go on together or apart? Would we curl up and die in our bitterness and despair or would we be able to cling to the hope that we had in the Lord?
In the end, I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't forgive him because I am a sinful person. I couldn't forgive him because I like revenge and judgement. I was incapable of forgiving him. It's a good thing for Bob that God isn't like me. Christ in me was more than capable of forgiving him for that.
I had always believed that life begins at conception. I have always believe that God had a purpose and a plan for everyone's life. I have always been against abortion. It was never even an option for me. However, I had never had a chance to put those beliefs into practice. Then, I got pregnant. I got pregnant when I was unemployed, my husband was working at a horrible job and we thought the company was going under. We had inadaquate health care. I was living with my mother-in-law. I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with my oldest. I don't think I could have planned a worse time in life to have a baby.
At the end of the day, I believed what Psalm 139:13-14 said,
"For You formed in my inward parts You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;"
Shannon is our joy and our delight. I often look at her and think how she is the evidence of our faith. She is here because Bob and I believed. We believed that God was faithful and in the end we see God's faithfulness in His many gifts.
It has been a long journey the last few years. I think, that this journey is coming to an end. We spent a lot of time in the valley. We spent a lot of time crying out to God. In the end, I'm able to answer His question with "Yes, Lord, I believe what I said I did".
On October 10, 2003, my husband was arrested. I didn't know it at that moment but the events of that day changed the course of my life so much that I can now view my life into two chapters: before and after. A brief (OK very brief) summary involves Bob getting arrested, loosing his job, pleading guilty to a felony, not being able to find a good job, having a psychotic breakdown, loosing our house, moving in with my mother in law, loosing another job, and finally turning around and coming back to the city were it all started. Along the way our 5 year was dignosed with autism. However, I firmly believe that all the craziness had nothing to do with that and it would have occured regardless of what we did.
I learned a lot. I learned that some of the people that I thought would stand with me didn't. I learned that some people who I knew wouldn't stand with me, did. I learned that love is always a choice. I learned that forgiveness has very little to do with those who need forgiveness but instead is about those people that need to forgive. But above all, I felt that God was asking me one question: Do you believe what you say you do?
Bob was arrested and it could have very well deystroyed our marriage. I think that if I was to spell out my story to the world outside of the church and to the world inside of the church not many people would have blamed me for leaving. In fact, I think most people are shocked that I stayed. However, prior to October 10,2003 I would have told anyone that I believed what Ephesians 4:32 said:
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
But I had never really had that opportunity to act out my belief. I had never really had a chance to forgive someone who had wronged me like no one else ever had. I had never had a chance to forgive someone was in such desperate need of forgiveness. I had never had the chance to forgive someone when the stakes were so high. In that situation, the choice to forigve or not was going to be the deciding fact of where our lives would go. Would we go on together or apart? Would we curl up and die in our bitterness and despair or would we be able to cling to the hope that we had in the Lord?
In the end, I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't forgive him because I am a sinful person. I couldn't forgive him because I like revenge and judgement. I was incapable of forgiving him. It's a good thing for Bob that God isn't like me. Christ in me was more than capable of forgiving him for that.
I had always believed that life begins at conception. I have always believe that God had a purpose and a plan for everyone's life. I have always been against abortion. It was never even an option for me. However, I had never had a chance to put those beliefs into practice. Then, I got pregnant. I got pregnant when I was unemployed, my husband was working at a horrible job and we thought the company was going under. We had inadaquate health care. I was living with my mother-in-law. I was beginning to think that there was something wrong with my oldest. I don't think I could have planned a worse time in life to have a baby.
At the end of the day, I believed what Psalm 139:13-14 said,
"For You formed in my inward parts You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;"
Shannon is our joy and our delight. I often look at her and think how she is the evidence of our faith. She is here because Bob and I believed. We believed that God was faithful and in the end we see God's faithfulness in His many gifts.
It has been a long journey the last few years. I think, that this journey is coming to an end. We spent a lot of time in the valley. We spent a lot of time crying out to God. In the end, I'm able to answer His question with "Yes, Lord, I believe what I said I did".
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
We have much to be thankful for this year
We are so very thankful this year for so many things.
Our own house
Bunk beds
New schools
Great therapies
Good health
Health Insurance
A supportive family
A beach vacation
Raising sisters
Lauren learning to read
Ellie learning letters
Shannon learning to walk
Bob's new job
Kristin's new (or old job)
Being on our own again
Smiles in the morning
Hugs at night
Snuggy Bear
Kitty-cat (of the non-alive version)
We daily give thanks to God, who for now, has blessed us with these.
Our own house
Bunk beds
New schools
Great therapies
Good health
Health Insurance
A supportive family
A beach vacation
Raising sisters
Lauren learning to read
Ellie learning letters
Shannon learning to walk
Bob's new job
Kristin's new (or old job)
Being on our own again
Smiles in the morning
Hugs at night
Snuggy Bear
Kitty-cat (of the non-alive version)
We daily give thanks to God, who for now, has blessed us with these.
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