Not normal

Lauren's Cat Scan came back not normal. I new for quite a few hours that it was not normal until I got official confirmation that it was not normal. It started in the morning when I called for the results and the nurse called me back. She said she would have the doctor call back. Usually, when everything is AOK, the nurse just tells you that on the phone or sends you a lovely form letter. My radar had gone up.

Then, during the ten minutes that I was at lunch, the doctor calls (doctors never call to say "hey, how you doing") and leaves a message saying that he was going to call my husband to discuss the results with him. There is no more frightening term in the English language then that. Your mind suddenly goes places where you don't want it to go.

Bob calls and the doctor leaves clinic to tell him that he thinks that Lauren has a cholesteatoma. It is a cyst that is basically made up of cholesterol and it sitting and putting pressure on her ear drum. This really could account for her balance problems. Surprisingly or unsurprisingly, which ever way you want to look at it, this thing is not in the place where if she is going to have one, it should be. I guess they didn't know that Lauren has never read a medical textbook.

They are going to schedule her for a MRI sometime in February. They had an opeing on January 7th at 5:00pm but you have to fast for 8 hours prior to the study. Bob nixed that idea quickly. They need more detailed pictures to see what it really is and where exactly it is. I need to get her MRI from last year so they have a comparison point. She might have surgery, she might not. It just depends on if the proposed benefits outweight the risks. If it improves her balance, I'm all for it.

In other news, her doctor's appointment was uneventful. They could rule out a certain metabolic disorder simply by looking at her. She does not have the facial features that are very obvious in that type of disorder. That disorder causes extreme chewing on fingers were kids can actually gnaw off their fingers. She's not doing that.

We discussed things and basically there are no answers. He suggested taking her to a dentist as she does appear to have some cavities. However, I just don't have the money for that right now. Most dentists are unwillig to take payment plans and want the money up front. We have no dental insurance right now but in September my plan will cover 100%. It will just have to wait until then.

The doctor apologized to me and said that he wished he could give me a solution or an answer. He wished there was a fix for this or a pill he could give her to make it all better. Sometimes there just aren't any pills and there aren't any easy fixes. I've come to learn that that's OK. I'm no longer looking for an answer or an easy solution. I've come to accept Lauren for who she is and what she can do. I strive to teach her to do more. I'm also trying to get her to change certain behaviors without changing who she is because I am all to aware that the world is not going to be ask accepting as we are.

The world is not going to allow her to be hyperactive. The world is not going to listen to her ramble on and on with loose associatons that no one can follow. The world will look at her strangely when she busts out with her hip-hop dance in the middle of the restaraunt. The world backs away when she tries to talk to you nose to nose. The world looks at me as a bad parent because I am powerless to stop this and sometimes don't even try. It's a good thing that I don't care about what the world thinks anymore.