Wednesday, March 25, 2009

My Most Prayed for Child

Years ago (well not that long ago, it was still in this century), I desired something that like I had never had before. I wanted a baby. It was not so far-fetched. I was married, we both had great jobs, and loved children. Plus we are just so awesome, it seemed unfair to the world for us not to allow our genetic material to live on.

I struggled with infertility. Month after month, I saw one line. One lonely little line. I never ovulated and therefore never got any closer to those two lines. I eventually went on Clomid and got pregnant with that child.

All of those months before June 2002, I prayed for a baby. All I wanted was a baby. I prayed like I never had before. I would beg God for a baby. I repeatedly told Him that I didn't care what the baby was like. I was more than willing to take a baby with different needs.

God answered my prayers. I saw those two lines in July of 2002. I had an unevenful pregnancy and my beautiful baby girl was born on 3/22/03. She had a difficult first year. She had severe GERD and screamed for up to 14 hours a day until 4 months. She was diagnosed with FTT at 3 months. Everything seemed to resolve at 18 months. We thought she had simply outgrown everything. Her stomach and her gastrointestinal tract had caught up to her. We were ready to start typical parenting experiences.

God knew what He was doing. He gave me that child I prayed for and chose to honor my entire prayer. He did not send Lauren as a punishment or a threat. He did choose to give me Lauren because I prayed for something I didn't understand. He chose to give me Lauren because He is who He is and He is good.

I love Lauren to the dept of my soul. I love Lauren more than I ever imagined loving someone. I love Lauren despite the costs. I love Lauren for who she is right now. But ultimately God loves her more.

Even if Lauren remains exactly who she is and never changes, God loves her and God chose her and that is a miracle.

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