Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Anyone want a 5 year old?

Who will start the bidding?

There are just days that Lauren is lucky no gypsies come wandering down our street. I would sell her to the gypsies in a heartbeat. Not that there is much of a chance of gypsies coming to get her but still.

I love the kid in a way I never thought I could love anyone. I think that she is the first person I have been able to love in spite. I love Lauren in spite of all of her faults. I love Lauren in spite of all the difficulties we've had. I love Lauren in spite of what she cannot do. I love Lauren in spite of the long journey we've been on and the long journey still to come. Sadly, most people I love becuase of. Because of who they are, because of what they can do. At the end of the day, I'm pretty selfish.

But there are days like this weekend where I just wonder how much more I can take. There are days that I am left muttering about how she can act like a two year old. In my mind, it is acceptable for a two year old to be in to everything. I've lost patience for this behavior about three years ago.

I am saddened because I can't wear make up. I can't wear make up because if I leave it out; she's into in an instance. Parenting Lauren requires a great deal of perfection. I can't for one moment forget to put my wallet away, she in it and scattering all my bank cards from her to kingdom come. The bad part is I am nowhere near perfect and the worse part is I'm very forgetful.

Anway, this weekend she cut up my American girl paperdolls. My mom had given me them when I was 10. She cut the papers and made a lot of confetti. I guess if a ticker-tape parade comes down our street, we're set.

Ten minutes later she took the Krazy Glue I was using to fix ornaments and decided to paint with it. Good thing she painted on paper. I think I would have had to commit myself if she had painted on anything else.

She was climbing things like it was going out of style. It's not good for a typical kid. Lauren has very poor fine and gross motor skills. She can't walk a straight line so seeing her trying to walk along the window ledge in the basement can make my heart drop.

The worst part that makes it so horrible is that she has perfectly sensical reasons for doing these things. She wasn't trying to wreck the paper dolls, she was cutting them out so we could play with them. Too bad she can cut out a shape. She wasn't trying to wrect the glue, she was simply painting me a beautiful paper. She tells you these things with a look of wonder on her face. She cannot fathom why I would be upset in anyway.

But alas, all days end. She always gives me a hug and tells me she loves me and that gives me some more strength to face another day.

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